TMi

  I am not sure what to write about this month anymore. I considered writing about making art no one wants, or dermatillomania- because it is a shameful form of OCD I have!- or more about trying to openly obsess about fictional characters.... Then I find out my father has taken ill and had to go to the hospital to get sorted out. I'm confused by the whole matter more than scared or worried. I don't have enough information to be worried. And I don't want to get angry for not having enough information either. When other people have enough information and the wherewithal to tell me, they will do so. If they don't, then I can get angry, perhaps. Because it's not like there is anything I can do to help. I'm on the other side of the continent. Unless my dad wants to do some medical tourism, I don't know how I could be of service.  I don't know what the best thing for me to do is. At all.  Ever. I'm not ending this year on a down note. Not really. It's ...

this is an a.i. generated image that i played around with So what shall I embarrass myself with in this month's post? How about I discuss a certain kind of neurodivergence? There is this thing called a Highly Sensitive Person. And another thing call High Sensation Seeking. This is me. Both the things. A walking paradox.  Generally speaking:  "a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is someone who experiences heightened sensitivity to external stimuli and internal emotions. This trait, known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), was first coined by psychologist Elaine Aron. About 15-20% of the population are thought to be HSPs. And High Sensation Seekers (HSS) crave new and intense experiences, often seeking out thrills and adventures." Only perhaps about 30% of HSP are also HSS. That's extra minority! So am I mousy and delicate yet I want to ride a golden horse (akhal-teke!) through Anatolia? You bet. I mean, I can't tolerate loud music, strong aromas, and low lat...

October has been a month dedicated to glitchtober on instagram. (And keeping depression at bay) A s with most communities, I've been shy to interact with glitch people.  I don't know enough about programming languages, software, or hardware... Blah blah.. listen to me and my insecurities blaaahhhh- I challenged myself this time to participate in the community. And, because I am me, I made it even less relatable to anyone!  I incorporated another thing I have been appreciating recently: acting performances by Lars Mikkelsen. Yup. I like glitch.  And, yup, I have  a professional crush on Lars Mikkelsen. Why not mash these things together?  The absurdity tickled my brain. And mine alone, it seems. For glitchtober there is a prompt given each day for artists to interpret so I am guilty of spending hours combing through Lars' work for scenes to fit each prompt. (Thank the maker for pirated materials on the internet! ☠ ) Naturally, after spending a month with his char...

  I AM TOTALLY USELESS THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO AT ALL Wait- no- I can do: Dysphoria Depression Anxiety Neuromuscular issues  Invisibility i was more.. but now i don't know.. i don't know..

Summer is stuffy, humid, rotting wood, spores, insects... Daydreaming intensifies The need to escape persists I move inside spaces without purpose Playing make-pretends with the walls looking on While my guts ache and my spine crumbles Neuromuscular issues never quite gone Frittering in uncertainty I wish I could sing

exhausted, wired, dancing in a hotel room alone This is a long post. And certainly chock full of mistakes. Deal with it.  💙     I did a "wild" thing this month. I crossed the busiest international border in the world and took two flights during a global software hiccough to go to the Voices Against Cancer 605 Pop-Culture Con in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  Some of the cast of the Ahsoka live-action Star Wars series were slated to appear there. George Takei would be there... It's an event to raise funds for kids with cancer...    Of all the people attending this event, however, the draw for me was Lars Mikkelsen- actor, Timothy Zahn- author, and Marc Thompson- voice animator. These three people have made and brought to life a particular Star Wars character that I have been in love with since I was roughly eleven years old. You may have heard of someone called Thrawn, perhaps? Eh, perhaps not. He's still lesser known than my other hard crush- Darth Vad...

What is the hottest thing in Mexico City anyway, huh? Well, you will disagree with me instantly I'm sure, but I am going to go out on a weird wire and say that power lines top my list for hot things in DF. They are... art. Full stop. Looking up at all the copious cables in orderly albeit often disconcerting lines only to then have your eye land hard and disbelieving on wrapped, looped, tangled masses... It does something for me in a way that is impossible to explain. It is terribly engaging, in an awfully absurd way. I wonder if the 'grid guys' have the same feelings... Certainly they can't just hate it, right? Otherwise they would be running wires in a different way, right?  What ever the logic or illogic involved, I bless them for their particular contribution to the aesthetic of the city.  I joked that I would eventually make a calendar of the sexiest power lines. Would anyone want this? Or am I the only human with such unusual tastes- and humor?