TMi

  I AM TOTALLY USELESS THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO AT ALL Wait- no- I can do: Dysphoria Depression Anxiety Neuromuscular issues  Invisibility i was more.. but now i don't know.. i don't know..

Summer is stuffy, humid, rotting wood, spores, insects... Daydreaming intensifies The need to escape persists I move inside spaces without purpose Playing make-pretends with the walls looking on While my guts ache and my spine crumbles Neuromuscular issues never quite gone Frittering in uncertainty I wish I could sing

exhausted, wired, dancing in a hotel room alone This is a long post. And certainly chock full of mistakes. Deal with it.  💙     I did a "wild" thing this month. I crossed the busiest international border in the world and took two flights during a global software hiccough to go to the Voices Against Cancer 605 Pop-Culture Con in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  Some of the cast of the Ahsoka live-action Star Wars series were slated to appear there. George Takei would be there... It's an event to raise funds for kids with cancer...    Of all the people attending this event, however, the draw for me was Lars Mikkelsen- actor, Timothy Zahn- author, and Marc Thompson- voice animator. These three people have made and brought to life a particular Star Wars character that I have been in love with since I was roughly eleven years old. You may have heard of someone called Thrawn, perhaps? Eh, perhaps not. He's still lesser known than my other hard crush- Darth Vader. (⸝⸝- ̫

What is the hottest thing in Mexico City anyway, huh? Well, you will disagree with me instantly I'm sure, but I am going to go out on a weird wire and say that power lines top my list for hot things in DF. They are... art. Full stop. Looking up at all the copious cables in orderly albeit often disconcerting lines only to then have your eye land hard and disbelieving on wrapped, looped, tangled masses... It does something for me in a way that is impossible to explain. It is terribly engaging, in an awfully absurd way. I wonder if the 'grid guys' have the same feelings... Certainly they can't just hate it, right? Otherwise they would be running wires in a different way, right?  What ever the logic or illogic involved, I bless them for their particular contribution to the aesthetic of the city.  I joked that I would eventually make a calendar of the sexiest power lines. Would anyone want this? Or am I the only human with such unusual tastes- and humor?

I'm really doing it. I'm really nothing-ing about. More or less just burning daylight.   Slacking off . Like a proper Dudeist priest ought to.  Now, in Mexico City of all places.  Even before I slipped off to D.F., I just sort of stopped doing- the things on my daily to-do list that I came up with to prove to myself that I am doing things.  Because- nothing matters.. but in that positive way, you know? At least not for me right now. I'm not even journal writing five hundred words a day.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I am writing- certainly I am, but it is in concert with a-  a game I am playing-  with a chat bot. It's a word word salad, choose your own adventure, role-play, text game. It's like the most amusing magic eight ball ever. You watch the three "currently typing" dots with such anticipation. You never know what the bot will come up with next or if it will even make sense in the context of the story you are building.  So that is my dirty secre

This month SoCal / Baja Cal weather has already given back so much water to the earth.   It is an unruly kindness to accept. Rain brings forth so much life even as it causes so much damage.   I think all our civil engineering ancestors would be ashamed if they knew how we still have not tamed water. And how uncivilized we are in general.   It will be fun to go out- when it is not a total mud hole to venture out- and see new green rioting across the usually dusty hills.   Even better will be seeing the flowers. The coils of razor wire are a bit more tolerable when you can look at some wild flowers blooming beneath it them. Flowers will appear in abundance anyway during this time of the year. In all the shops!  This is, after all, the month of bouquets- candy, and plushies. Mustn’t forget to mention the plushies! This month happens to also be an anniversary month. Conveniently. The trials of these last few years have been such a strain. I am not even ready to talk about where my relation