TMi

September became October. October slipped away from me completely. I was aware of it going. The days refused to match up with the numbers assigned to them. The clocks changed. My focus was on the next moment. And the next moment. Maybe the next day I'll feel better. Maybe the next day I'll get to be a person.  I should share more. That is what a blog is for.  TMI! Over-sharing! But what is the use of trying to explain?  If you aren't in and out of neuropathic hellholes, if you have never been in one, then you will not relate. You haven't the capability. I don't expect you would even try to imagine it. I can say this- Not all my days are bad days, but all of my days are not fully functional ones. While I go on wrestling with vastly decreased sense of self-worth, here is a clip to watch. It is part of some video art about my DFSP cancer I have been working on-  Ask me questions about the clip.  Check in with me. Help me keep on going.     

The new year is a Water Rabbit.  In an odd way I am kind of creatively charged up these days and looking forward to new things.  I don't know where this positive energy is coming from, but I will take it! I feel more recovered than this time last year. I think I just have a sinus infection this time. Not Covid+. That's a step up.  So, I didn't write about attending the Portrait of a Nation Gala in November 2022.  That was a thing I did amid everything else I have been dealing with and- I've been grappling with how to express myself about that event. The whole thing was unbelievably difficult to get through for me.   People kept using the word surreal. Surreal I have done. Surreal is my bread and butter. This was-  It was a full-on crisis. I could barely regulate my emotions. I felt so much. A lot of it was rage. What place does rage have at a celebration? Where could I safely put that? How I could ignore the feeling that everyone in that room- everyone...

First, the good news: Human and I went to the nation's capital, not to engage with the swaths of costumed merry-making students over-running the streets, but to find out more information about another video portrait. I cannot talk even talk about it yet. Things are super exciting and we haven't even started! We are already coming up with ideas to experiment with as the work gets going.  Being in DC during the fall, I am grateful for hotel rooms that can be heated to 80f  / 26c degrees with hot water that you don't have to wait 20 minutes for. Pseudo-graffiti marks on the wall of my room won't endear a place to my heart as much as a stellar heating/ cooling system. And good wifi. But enough about hotels.  My year long illness gave me no quarter during my trip. With enough coffee and will, I  managed to walk the mall and up down, and around the Lincoln Memorial. The memorial is, oddly enough, fun and romantic, as well as inspiring and, well, heartbreaking too. peo...

Soooo, what is there to do in Morelia anyway? Here's a little list!   ᖴ E ᔕ TI ᐯᗩᒪᔕ At the time I am typing this, it is  certainly a really strange time for festivals, but the shows do go on! Some of them. With caution.  (Unless you are in Tulum where they don't believe in any form of caution .)  I was down in Morelia for a film festival which happened to coincide with the Day of the Dead. The whole film festival event had better sanitation and security protocols than anywhere I'd been so far. They were very serious about not being a super spreader event so I felt safe sitting in a movie theater with so many empty seats around me. (Can we social distance all the time? ) Even with the precautions, I didn't want to spend my time in a movie theater for hours when there's a whole city to explore outside!   Una ofrenda con cempasúchil    The Day(s) of the Dead was DRASTICALLY toned down this year. The cemeteries were blocked off. Tourists were discouraged...

in all the sparkling hosts that sparkling host-ess cup cake of welcoming sweetest smiling red and velvet lips speaking nothing but welcome warmly crushed by selective perception in idiot wonder watch her sparkler smoke and ashes you learn nothing leering 

It happened! Before I got all my stitches removed, I hauled my butt over to- even more warm weather, sunshine, palm trees, ocean, and Spanish.  I took my DFSP adventure time all the way to Miami, Fla.  We time traveled twice over: moving three hours ahead plus an hour for daylight savings time.  So during that first week, I was simply feeling magical ! -as said with a great amount of sarcasm. I didn't know how quickly I would feel ready for doing anything. Before this trip, I was barely recovered of the vampiric drain on my life force from two weeks of- oh hey, I have an open hole in my chest!  (None of you are ready to see those pictures.)  It took so long to get closed up because I don't live close to decent labs. They needed time to ship samples out and run detailed tests. And I had to get cut twice. In the first procedure they made a 6x7cm hole.  In the second procedure they took out everything down to the muscle. Just to be certa...

Ask me what I did in 2017.  I can tell you that I got a big raise. I can say I was on international TV. I  took trips to New Orleans and Montreal, Canada. I spent some time in L.A.  I performed on stages. I made stop motion videos shown in an art gallery...  I can also say that my body was artistic all on it's own. It   grew a tumor. This thing appeared overnight in February. It itched occasionally. It was something I could actually feel change inside my skin. For a little while I even thought it might be a parasite.  Since It was located on my chest I, naturally, went to have it checked out at a 'boob clinic.'  The woman who 'saw' me went on to make backhanded insinuations that I was overreacting. I guess, to her,  I was just behaving like so many hysterical women who come running into the clinic and waste time fussing with every little thing. Because they read too much on the Internet.  Yeah. This super...